Welcome to the thoughts, rants and passions of a young Muslim woman seeking soulful enlightenment in cyberspace.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Just Say It!

No, this is not my writing. A friend sent this to me. Still trying to figure out who authored it.

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


  • At 2/26/2005 04:13:00 a.m., Blogger Yusuf Smith said…

    : 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    But that's not true! I can remember women telling me they can't have something because of their weight, and their weight was perfectly normal! One of the most annoying things is good-looking women worrying that they're too fat and refusing to eat something because of it when you offer them.

  • At 2/28/2005 04:42:00 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yusuf, why exactly are you offering good-looking women food? --Mrs Levantine Historian.

  • At 2/28/2005 05:01:00 p.m., Blogger Safiyyah said… tell him, Mrs. LH! Yusuf, you've got some explaining to do:)

  • At 3/01/2005 03:14:00 a.m., Blogger Levantine Historian said…

    Ha! You asked for that sidi Yusuf.

  • At 3/01/2005 05:13:00 p.m., Blogger Yusuf Smith said…

    Mrs LH: the exact incident I was thinking of was four years, at least, before I became Muslim. But I was puzzled when my mum one day said she would no longer partake of the ice cream after the Sunday meal, which was an institution in our family at that time, because it was fatty.


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