Welcome to the thoughts, rants and passions of a young Muslim woman seeking soulful enlightenment in cyberspace.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

The Story of Gmail

Once upon a time, in a far off land, there lived a delightful little girl. There was one thing this little girl craved more than anything else in the world, and that was a Gmail account. She talked about it incessantly. In the morning, between spoons of gloppy oatmeal. At night, while saying prayers. "Don’t be greedy," her mama scolded, "be satisfied with Yahoo and Hotmail." But the little girl pouted and despaired. Her mourning was deep; it could not be assuaged. One warm, sunny day, her papa found her weeping sorrowfully in a dark corner of the barn. "Why are you crying, my dear child? It is such a beautiful day." "Oh papa, dear papa, I want a Gmail account oh-so-badly, and I can’t have it! Oh papa, I would do ANYTHING, absolutely anything! Yahoo and Hotmail are SO old!" Her papa despaired at seeing his daughter moping around in such an unhappy state. Besides, she was not doing her chores and her mama could be quick with the cane!

He took his fastest horse and went to the nearest town to inquire about Gmail. He hurried frantically from shop to shop, but alas, Gmail was not for sale! Eventually, he stumbled upon a little old man in a tiny bookshop who told him that Gmail was a secret club that only a select few could join. He whispered the rest in the father’s ear. It must have been shocking, for the little girl’s papa left the shop in tears. Sorrowfully, he climbed into his cart. Heavy-hearted, he guided his horse home, reluctant to tell his grieving daughter the terrible news. He was not surprised to find her wandering the fields, her big black eyes overflowing with tears. "Oh, my little girl, I tried, I really did."

"Oh papa, I got a Gmail account!" she exclaimed. "That’s – that’s wonderful, it really is! But how - why aren’t you happy, my girl?" "I don’t want it, papa! I don't want it!" she wailed piteously. "But why, my dear?" her father asked, his forehead wrinkling at this latest bit of news. "Because everyone else has it too! Even poor John who begs for food!" Her father stared at her in bewilderment. "Well then, be a good girl and give it away to someone who needs it, then!" "But papa, now I’ve got Gmail accounts by the dozens, and nobody wants them! Nobody! Oh papa, it's so unfair!" She sobbed, her voice rising with each word.

Her papa shook his head, utterly confused. "I can't help you, my dear. Your mama will see to you." He got up slowly, knees cracking, back aching after the tiresome trip. "Women!" he muttered as he entered the barn, "can’t please them, no matter what you do!" His daughter’s distressing voice trailed behind him as she wailed wretchedly. "I don’t know what to do, papa! Nobody wants one! It' so unfair! It's just SO UNFAIR!"

Do YOU want one? Email the spoiled brat before her mama notices the weeping and rightfully takes the cane to her daughter’s behind.


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