Welcome to the thoughts, rants and passions of a young Muslim woman seeking soulful enlightenment in cyberspace.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Wee Hours

Staying up all night can do strange things to one’s ability to properly perceive reality. Staying up all night for a couple of days in a row can totally skew one’s worldview.

That is why, I tell myself, I was startled, even terrified, by a snake. Not just any snake. A genuine toy snake was enough to get me going.

What makes this fear even more embarrassing is the fact that it was yours truly who purchased that very snake on the way home from Florida during the Christmas holidays. Being the mischievous girl that I am, I had concocted exciting schemes in my head, all of which involved sneaking up behind unsuspecting younger cousins and allowing the snake to wiggle gently in their peripheral vision until they looked over their shoulder, saw the snake, yelped and ran away. At that point I could either seek out other innocent victims, or chase the already frightened ones around the house while they screamed and the older cousins rolled on the floor in helpless laughter.

Because the snake moves. Oh, yes it does. And it looks real. A pretty good trick, I thought. I couldn’t wait to put the plan to action.

But I never planned for the eventuality that I myself would be afraid of it.

So it was that as I rummaged through a pile of neatly stacked papers on my desk late last night, I felt something weighty between them. The pile was heavy, but it shouldn’t have been that heavy. And then I saw something move. Felt it wiggle. Something alive. I didn’t pause to see what it was, because I was already on my bed, feet tucked under, heart leaping wildly, pages scattered in my haste.

From my safe perch atop comforters, I took a peek at my desk. No sign of life. I stared wide-eyed at the scrambled sheets of paper. And then, as I got a little braver, I raised myself up to see the tail of a snake – a toy one at that - wedged neatly between a sheath of white paper. And after I had stared for a heartbeat longer, I threw myself onto the bed and stifled giddy laughter with pillows and bedsheets. (It was late, remember.)

I told this story to my brother the next morning, and he just shook his head and called me ‘crazy’. I hadn’t slept much for two days, I tried to explain. I was jittery and on edge. No wonder I'd jumped away prematurely. But I knew there was a teeny weeny problem with that line of reasoning.

You see – and I’m ashamed to admit this – I had another run-in with that snake. Last night’s performance was just a repeat of an earlier “situation”. I’m not very proud of it either, so I won’t go into the details here.

I suppose I’m fearful of anything that moves. That might explain why, when my brother walked by and called my name one night, I screamed and scared both of us. ‘Twas the wee hours, I pleaded. I was engrossed in my work. And I wasn’t expecting anyone to be wandering about the house.

Who did I think he was, he asked half-laughingly. I still do not know.

But what I do know is that the hallucinations are in full swing.
Wait a minute - hallucinations? Or are they delusions?

I need sleep. I really do.
And until I get it, there will no posts or comments. And no replies to emails. Wish me luck with my end-of-term papers, for I'll have to finish them before I can even think about my bed.


  • At 4/10/2005 12:17:00 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hahaha, Saf, you're hilarious! I'm having my own nights without end these days, so I totally feel for what you're going through!

    The end, my dear, is in sight -- insha'Allah we'll all pull through with tawfiq from Allah.

    ...and once we have, we shall I smell Kebobs? ;) Different restaurant this time, I swear!! -- Afghani, they've got lots of dishes for you to savour :)

  • At 4/10/2005 04:37:00 a.m., Blogger Julaybib said…


    There is an upside to being mildly sleep deprived. If you like music, listen to something really positive and beautiful - like 'Farther Along' by Spirit, or 'Small Hours' by John Martyn. On headphones, if you have people nearby sleeping. Then get ready for take off!



  • At 4/10/2005 07:56:00 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This story might come in handy some day...I'm saving it!
    Advice between friends? You're doing too, too much, Saf. I don't know how you manage. Watch your heath and make sure you get some rest, even if it means laying off on blogging for awhile.

  • At 4/10/2005 03:03:00 p.m., Blogger Muslim Princess said…

    Rest a little!
    I was browsing blogs, and found yours capturing my interest. I hope you didn't mind. Feel free to drop back at mine.


  • At 4/11/2005 01:47:00 a.m., Blogger Safiyyah said…

    Since I broke my self-imposed silence by posting a comment on someone else's blog, I decided I may as well comment here. I'll be posting something within a day or two.

    Miss Anonymous (both of which I'm trying my best to remedy!): It is so good to hear from you. The other day I was reflecting upon how much of a blessing it is to have friends like you. Although I once heard someone mention that we barely agree on anything, I believe we do share an important core of commonality. The differences just makes the friendship all the more special. So thank you.
    And we definitely have to get together soon. I'm glad you're up for a new restaurant this time, because I can't bear to see another kebob. Will we need Purell for this one? ;-)

    Yakoub: Looking forward to better days ahead. As for being deprived of sleep, I've heard rats either go crazy or die in those circumstances. I don't remember which! But thanks for the advice:-) I did end up falling asleep, despite my best intentions.

    "SM": I know, I know. And yes, I know I always say "I know" too. I really am trying to cut down on responsibilities, but it's not as easy as it seems.
    And you're free to use that story, but don't forget that I've got some of yours to tell. Here's a hint: blue. 'Nuff said!

    Muslim Princess: Clever advertising scheme;-) Will check it out.

  • At 4/11/2005 10:54:00 a.m., Blogger Mohop said…

    This reminds me of a time when I was staying up studying for a history exam and started to fall asleep while writing up a study sheet. Falling asleep while studying or writing is not in any way unsual for me. What was unusual is that I kept writing while I was in this weird dream-like state, and when I finally regained full consciousness I realized that I was writing nonsense. I think my desciption of the Medici family (Italian renaissance period) including something about MSA and wheat bread. It was rather funny.

  • At 4/13/2005 04:23:00 a.m., Blogger Safiyyah said…

    Try doing a similar thing in lecture! I've even forgotten what lined sheets in my notebook were for. Made for some interesting handwriting. You wouldn't want to borrow my notes on those dying-to-fall-into-bed days.


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